When I signed on to Facebook last night I was excited to see that my brother-in-law had written to me. I was so excited, in fact, that I called Pete over. We had never heard from him directly. In three years we had never gotten a phone call, a personal message, or anything from him. And in fact, Pete looked up to him. He was here to help us at our wedding and he came down and helped us at Toby's funeral. Since then, however, we hadn't heard from anyone in Pete's family regarding Toby because they have all been caught up in their grief for Pete's mother.
So when we saw that we had something from Eric we were excited. You might not think that writing something like "thinking of you" is helpful, but it is. It's nice to know that someone is out there, thinking about us.
Boy, was I wrong. It took me right back to the days of Andy and Tiffany. I was so completely shocked that I had to read it three times. Pete was speechless.
Earlier that day I had packed up some of Toby's little clothes. I had straightened up his room again. I was lamenting over the fact that two weeks before we had just buried him. I was trying to walk through every room in the house without breaking into tears over seeing his little things. And now I am getting a "fuck you" from what is supposed to be family. What the hell?
I immediately started getting messages from my friends, begging me not to read it. But, of course, I did. And then, he went on not only to attack me, but to attack my friends as well. The same friends that have been bringing me food for the past two weeks, offering to come visit me, sending me cards and emails and letters, and giving me calls just to let me know that they are thinking about me. While at the same time, the only thing I've heard from England is, "You have to move on." Yes, that's helpful, after TWO WEEKS. So right now, I am picking my friends. Yeah, so maybe it isn't great to blast family on the internet, but that's how I work through things. Just wait until the book comes out.
The fact is, we haven't been able to grieve for Toby properly. There has been so much drama over car seats and plane tickets and renting an extra limo and what I'm writing on FB that we, as a family (and I'm including me, Pete, and Mom in this because other than some of my family nobody has had anything to do with Toby) have not been able to grieve. And that is sad. Pete lost his mother and his son. I lost my son. Is Pete's grief lesser because Toby was only six weeks old? Is it being implied that Pete shouldn't be grieving for Toby because he only knew him for 6 weeks while David was married to Alison for 33 years? There are no limits on grief.
And as far as going public, where were Pete's family when his sister was blasting me on the internet last year and letting her friends call me names like "pathetic loser?" There were no phone calls then. There was no trying to work it out then. But, of course, if it's me, that's a different story.
It's funny, but the one person who has been offering me support throughout my pregnancy and the birth and death of Toby is Laura, the sister to the guy that I was supposed to marry. How ironic is that?
I am angry, I am hurt, and I am confused. And the ONLY thing I should be able to feel right now is grief and mourning for the loss of Toby. But I'm not even allowed that. Toby has been brushed aside for more important things.
I have two jobs to finish up and then I am going to leave. Sam and I need a break and since he won't be going to England (after all, they WOULD have to rent another limo) I am going to try to take him to the beach. We are very short on money, but the ocean is free. For now anyway. I want to grieve and I want to think things over. And at this point, I was to figure out if I want to be a part of this family at all.
So when we saw that we had something from Eric we were excited. You might not think that writing something like "thinking of you" is helpful, but it is. It's nice to know that someone is out there, thinking about us.
Boy, was I wrong. It took me right back to the days of Andy and Tiffany. I was so completely shocked that I had to read it three times. Pete was speechless.
Earlier that day I had packed up some of Toby's little clothes. I had straightened up his room again. I was lamenting over the fact that two weeks before we had just buried him. I was trying to walk through every room in the house without breaking into tears over seeing his little things. And now I am getting a "fuck you" from what is supposed to be family. What the hell?
I immediately started getting messages from my friends, begging me not to read it. But, of course, I did. And then, he went on not only to attack me, but to attack my friends as well. The same friends that have been bringing me food for the past two weeks, offering to come visit me, sending me cards and emails and letters, and giving me calls just to let me know that they are thinking about me. While at the same time, the only thing I've heard from England is, "You have to move on." Yes, that's helpful, after TWO WEEKS. So right now, I am picking my friends. Yeah, so maybe it isn't great to blast family on the internet, but that's how I work through things. Just wait until the book comes out.
The fact is, we haven't been able to grieve for Toby properly. There has been so much drama over car seats and plane tickets and renting an extra limo and what I'm writing on FB that we, as a family (and I'm including me, Pete, and Mom in this because other than some of my family nobody has had anything to do with Toby) have not been able to grieve. And that is sad. Pete lost his mother and his son. I lost my son. Is Pete's grief lesser because Toby was only six weeks old? Is it being implied that Pete shouldn't be grieving for Toby because he only knew him for 6 weeks while David was married to Alison for 33 years? There are no limits on grief.
And as far as going public, where were Pete's family when his sister was blasting me on the internet last year and letting her friends call me names like "pathetic loser?" There were no phone calls then. There was no trying to work it out then. But, of course, if it's me, that's a different story.
It's funny, but the one person who has been offering me support throughout my pregnancy and the birth and death of Toby is Laura, the sister to the guy that I was supposed to marry. How ironic is that?
I am angry, I am hurt, and I am confused. And the ONLY thing I should be able to feel right now is grief and mourning for the loss of Toby. But I'm not even allowed that. Toby has been brushed aside for more important things.
I have two jobs to finish up and then I am going to leave. Sam and I need a break and since he won't be going to England (after all, they WOULD have to rent another limo) I am going to try to take him to the beach. We are very short on money, but the ocean is free. For now anyway. I want to grieve and I want to think things over. And at this point, I was to figure out if I want to be a part of this family at all.
2 comments:
I will be the first one to buy the book and have you autograph it! Through your difficult times (and by writing a book about them) you will be helping others who have or will go through something similar. Even in your own grief, you'll be helping others with theirs. All my love to you, Rebecca!
Thank you, my dear.
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